Valentine's Gift

How I wish I will be paid in writing this article, apparently I’m not a famous columnist, so nobody actually pays me. Therefore I write this in my blog, in the hope that I can grab some attentions then some good readers (like you, you and you) would donate some fund to this blog (because I'm writing it so damn right). I'm desperately needing money lately, due to the coming Valentine's day! (Gosh, it's tomorrow!)

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day! Have you thought of any idea to surprise your love one yet? A romantic candle light dinner which you would feel like you've eaten nothing at the end? An expensive gift wrapped nicely and hid in a secret place and let your love one discover it by surprise? A romance movie in the cinema which both of you would not understand at the end of the show because you will be busy doing "other things" in the dark theater? All and all, need money!

Yes, love is in the air, so does bad news such as factory shut down, retrenchment, bankruptcy and so forth. During this economy down turn period, every cent counts! Therefore in this article, I would like to share with you some economic ways in selecting a suitable valentine's gift for you love one.

Strategy one. Doing the right thing at the very beginning, which is: Never buy him/her any gift during Valentine’s Day.

It is extremely useful especially when you just started a new relationship. Educate, lecture, comfort, persuade, seduce, or even threaten your partner that Valentine’s day is nothing more than a commercial idea that only the florists/ merchants get all the benefits but both of you get nothing but a super duper expensive dinner, or a bouquet of flower which is double or triple than its original price. Of course, be prepared for all sort of bombardment of reasons and questions, resistance, objections, etc. Therefore, I'm strongly encouraging you to join Toastmasters club, then you can apply all your persuasion skills that you learn from the meeting in this situation. (now you know the reason why I join Toastmasters Club)

However, even the most competent toastmasters that I've ever seen (no, I'm not going to tell it's Putojin) would be able to apply strategy 1 for the first year only! For the subsequent year, he just gives in because he couldn't bear one whole year of mumbling and cursing and swearing and...

Therefore, I would suggest you to try Strategy two if you fail the abovementioned strategy. But I would like to put up a disclaimer here that you should only apply strategy 2 if you fail to implement strategy one, because once you start it, there is no turning back to strategy 1. The strategy is start buying things from small value. The theory is rather simple, all men and women are greedy! Today you buy your partner a cat, next year you will have to buy him/her an elephant. And the graph is exponentially increasing per year! (Graph 1)



Some more, don’t forget that Valentine’s day is not the only day that you should give present, there are still birthday, Christmas, Anniversary, Lunar Valentine’s or even pet’s birthday! So your actual spending in gifts should look like Graph 2.



On the contrary, if you buy expensive gifts in the very beginning, then the curve would look like Graph 3.



See the difference? By simply implementing strategy 2, we can chop down the expenses in gifts significantly. Please refer to the shaded area in Graph 3_2 below then you will get what I mean.



Since you can’t avoid giving gifts, why don’t you start from small and save as much as you can. For example, you can start from giving a pencil to your love one... or even better... a box of pencils!!

Well, if you are already in DEEP relationSHITSHIP with your partner and you have been practicing buying expensive gifts all this while (Graph 3). Congratulations and celebrations!! This shows how dump arse loving you are! And you will definitely need strategy 3, which is also the simplest among the 3 -- continuing with it!!! There is no medicine cure for your over-pampered partner. Since you can’t do anything about it, just close your eyes and enjoy being slaughtered every year :)

Truly speaking, I don't think we need a dedicated day to tell our love one how much we love them. In a successful relationship, everyday would be Valentine's Day with only 3 little fundamental principles -- Honesty, Open Communication & Trust. And Honesty always comes first. Therefore being an honest man (and poor) like me, I sincerely hope that this article does entertain you and if you can kindly donate some money to this blog, I'll be more than happy because you know lar... I got 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6... gifts to buy before Valentine's Day ler...

** Disclaimer **

It was the speech I delivered 2 days ago in the club level contest. Here, I would like clarify that I made up all the contents in this speech, especially on Putojin's part, it's totally fake. Believe me, Putojin is still single and up for grab!! Hoho ~

Btw, I'm really broke liao recently, so if you think it's good, kindly click the advertisement at the side bar. After all, I'm digging my own grave by posting this article one ler :p
...
Oi ~ at least leave a comment or two lar ~